Contrary To Popular Belief, I Am Not Charlie Sheen.

I am not Charlie Sheen.
Although, I do have what has been called "tiger's blood".

In my spare time I blog, I mountain bike, I play guitar. I am a migrant worker. A day laborer. When weather permits, I even beg for spare change.

I have been known to remodel huts located in small villages within the Amazon Basin on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

Occasionally, just for fun, I tread water for two days in a row in piranha infested waters.

I once read War and Peace, Atlas Shrugged, and an entire volume of encyclopedias in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.

I am an abstract analyst, a concrete artist, and a ruthless bookie.

I don't perspire.

I can swallow live bullets, fart, and take out the eyebrows on a mosquito at 400 yards on a windy day.

I am one of those warlock Vatican assassins people only hear or dream about.

But I am not Charlie Sheen, I am Jesus the hobo.

Found Treasures #2

Gif animation credit: unknown
Based on a Jimmy Kimmel Show skit "Hottie Body Hump Club"

Ridiculawesome. What I wouldn't give to be HOBO-FIED.

Found Treasures #1

Photo credit: Akorn King

Bioplastic Surgery Disaster Barbie™ wasn't quite as popular as Mattel had hoped...except with the bag ladies.

Cooler Things I'd Post On My Friends Facebook Wall If I Had Friends

"Hey, Alex!

Long time, no -see- poke. I've just been surfing couches and stuff. Hanging out at my social networking buddies homes all year long..picking my toenails on their kitchen counters..pooping in their closets..peeing in their refrigerators..sneezing on their pillows..and soiling their bath towels.

So when can I come and visit you in Italy?!"

Cooler Things I'd Post in My Facebook Status if I was Rich:

"Amadeus and wine...muscato and Mozart ... nice, peaceful evening alone at the mansion. ♥"