Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Contrary To Popular Belief, I Am Not Charlie Sheen.

I am not Charlie Sheen.
Although, I do have what has been called "tiger's blood".

In my spare time I blog, I mountain bike, I play guitar. I am a migrant worker. A day laborer. When weather permits, I even beg for spare change.

I have been known to remodel huts located in small villages within the Amazon Basin on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

Occasionally, just for fun, I tread water for two days in a row in piranha infested waters.

I once read War and Peace, Atlas Shrugged, and an entire volume of encyclopedias in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.

I am an abstract analyst, a concrete artist, and a ruthless bookie.

I don't perspire.

I can swallow live bullets, fart, and take out the eyebrows on a mosquito at 400 yards on a windy day.

I am one of those warlock Vatican assassins people only hear or dream about.

But I am not Charlie Sheen, I am Jesus the hobo.


  1. Oh, I think you most certainly are Charlie Sheen! LIAR!

  2. your asshole cousin john keeps throwing water on me. can you please tell i'm beyond redemption.

  3. Billy, I will not only tell him that you are beyond redemption, but that you are also beyond help. Let's go railcar riding this weekend. I found us a gig in Middelfart.

  4. And you can't ask for better than that. Excelsior!


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