Saturday, April 9, 2011

New super-addictive drug "T-Party" discovered; millions of users already addicted

Above: User snorting "T-Palin," a purified version of "T-Party"

As a hobo, I encounter many-an addictive substance on a daily basis, many of which have spent a decent amount of time hidden in my rectum. Of all these substances, however, none are as potent as "T-Party," a new super-addictive drug invented by Republicans and fed to an under-educated populace over-eager for a simplification of our ever-more complicated world, a world-view free of global-warming, national-debt and other compound-hyphenated-nouns.

The largest supplier of "T-Party" is "Fox News." While they have always been infamous for their conservative slant, yellow journalism and spreading lies, the creation and distribution of "T-Party" amongst the American public transformed the organization from an annoying source of faux-news into the most prominent drug cartel in the United States. Their most recent breakthrough is a derivative of T-Party called "T-Palin," which has further indoctrinated millions of elderly Medicare recipients into accepting a world view that Government-Run Health Insurance is unconstitutional, despite the fact that 99% of seniors over the age of 65 voluntarily participate in Medicare, the single largest health insurance by the government.

Probably my worst photoshop ever, but hey, I'm a hobo and the librarian is watching me closely to make sure I don't steal this computer...which I intend to do just as soon as my friend "Slippery Pete" creates a diversion by smearing extra-crunchy peanut butter on his nude body and screaming "Who wants to try my FREE shit?!" 

Derived from the chemical compound "Aristocratic Nucleic Acid" produced by Rush Limbaux's testicles, "T-Party" or "T-Rex" as it is known on the streets/bars that serve you beer-in-a-can, has already claimed the rational capacity of millions of people in the U.S. If you suspect a loved one of being addicted to T-Party, the following warning signs are helpful in getting them help: A sudden, uncontrollable love of Professional Wrestling; Referring to "Glenn Beck" as an "intellectual"; Using the word "News" when referring to "Fox News" programs; Holding contradicting political opinions, such as "Get Government out of Medicare" or "Eliminate the Deficit of $400 billion by making $60 billion in cuts."

If, after evaluating these symptoms, you suspect a loved on of being addicted to T-Party, please call our national hotline and one of our trained Philosophy major will work with you on a 12-step reason-based treatment to re-integrate your loved one into objective reality.

This is a nude photo of  Sarah Palin. This isn't related to my metaphor of Republican propaganda as a drug, in as much as I just want to remind everyone how much of a stupid and unqualified moron Sarah Palin is.


  1. Palin is a smart woman, but I wonder whether her vagina is like a bucket.

  2. You're right. This country has been reduced to a plethora of other compound-hyphenated-nouns and Sarah Palin nude-photos. I must start up a political party and rally around it's anti-T-party-anti-Palin platform while dosing copious amounts of mind-altering drugs into the punch-bowl. Hello-election-2012!

    In fact, the end of the world will just be a hallucination as 2012 closes with everyone tripping their gonads off, and they wake up and it's all of a sudden 2013 and nothing happened! Except that I've been elected "leader" of the tribe by reformed/reprogrammed T-party addicts, seniors on Medicare, and an out-of-the-closet-gay-marriage-advocate Glenn Beck as it's largest financial supporter.

  3. Pre-emptive response: Yes, I know the nude photo is probably Photoshopped, but I still think it's funny.

    Emptive-response: Gorilla: Her vagina is more like an igloo

    Jesus: I'm sort of disappointed with the Dems and this inability to compete with Republicans in both negotiations and in the public discourse. I suppose all the great political minds are working for the Republicans because, let's face it, there is more money being spent for tax cuts for the rich than for home heating subsidies. But fuck, you would think that at least ONE PERSON in the Democratic party would have some BALLS?

    Perhaps you're right. IT should be you, Jesus the hobo. Can you imagine, the FIRST HOBO PRESIDENT? And Mexican to boot. This has to be the best idea since the discovery of Logic by Aristotle and/or disposable cock rings.

  4. Shit. I don't think this drug will ever be as popular as Huey Lewis and the News.

  5. Julio: All the great political minds are working outside of the Authoritarian Regimes of the Dems and Reps within the Independent Party, the Anarchist Party, the Communist Party, the Fancy Dress Party, the Party Party Party, the Party Hardy Drink Bacardi, and the Surprise Party (defunct). Only the idiots gravitate towards the right and a few of the enlightened ones have moved a little more to the left since GWB mirrored Nixon in his corrupt lies and blatant disregard for Congress and the Constitution, giving the Reps an even worse public image. In spite of this even those Dems aren't nearly left enough. But then you have the idiots on the Authoritarian far-left that give the rest of the lefties a bad name so it looks like we just need to thin the herd...


Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...